Eternal mind of the spotless sunshine


June 20, 2007, 9:41 pm
Filed under: chronicles

Oh, how the desires of the mind challenge us into becomming something we dislike. Or want to dislike, but in fact like a lot. It’s such a fine line that one begs the question ‘where does desire challenge our morals?’.

The heart has packed up and left long ago, so all that is left is this twisted mind of mine to ensure that my desires always follow a strict and sound set of rules. The look. The flick of the hair that just might entice me into believing something’s there.

Then you get the automated set of lines. The thoroughly thought out moves and glances. A distinct order of things to make it perfectly clear that everything should be heading towards a predicted goal.

You are finally able to secure a good conversation. Things are going just fine. She reminds you of someone, yet you can’t remember who. It doesn’t really matter though. Never will that line ‘don’t I know you from somewhere?’ be used, so any thought about it is quickly set aside.

As the conversations rolled on, the mindset clearly became more attuned to the inevitable tender touch and long-lasting kiss. The hands become rigid and sweat. Body temperature peaks and drops. The mouth dries up, trying to unravel the best words for the moment.

And then it happens. Absolutely amazing. Her touch feels warm and inviting. Her lips are full, moist and yearning for more. You find yourself amidst a torrent of emotions, battling each impulse as the hormones stage a siege and seem to be winning, quite easily, what should be a tough battle.

You look at her once more. Fucking amazing eyes. She smiles a quircky smile and you fall to your knees, worshipping this god-like diva that has taken upon herself to find redemption and glory to your soul – so longing for acceptance and happiness.

When the night is finally over you take her to her to her mighty abode. You stand mightly erect, proud of your deeds in the evening, hoping for a call upstairs. She looks at you with the kindest of eyes, and you melt away in the sidewalk. She reaches your hands, picks them up and drags your body as you glide through the hallway towards her door.

When you reach her heavenly morada the smell of lust sets every inch of your body on fire. You are taken my an overwhelming feeling of power and the overture to your sonata seems seconds away from fulfillment. As you look bact at her, you are set aghast at the picture-perfect sight standing before you.

There she stands. Naked. Perfect.

You hold her. This time, with a lot less poise and a lot more fight. Her struggle is a playful one. You embrace in sheer delight as your bodies twist and turn in perfect harmony. Bewildered, time seems to give way to you, letting it pass as slowly as possible, helping you savour every single moment.

There is a twist on the knob at the door. Time gives in. There is a voice calling out her name. Her husband, she infoms you, who has made himself aware to you at this very instant. She calls to your escape through the kitchen window. You run, as one can whilst trying to clothe oneself, and set your first foot across the window into the dark, heavy night. Said foot finds a ledge. You climb out. Holding for dear life on the walls of the apartment complex, you strain to hear what is going on.

A discussion erupts from within. Something about her being half-dressed. The mumbles grow louder, making it impossible to distinguish the precise words uttered. Something shatters, and a scream is yelled. The door slams shut. A muffled cry can now be heard.

Enough courage is mustered to look at the inside of the apartment. She is knelt down on the carpet, holding the broken pieces of the vase that stood by the door. She looks up and seems astonished at your sight. Her look is of confusion. You tell her of your near death experience clinging to the side of the building.

She laughs nervously. Then begins to cry once more. You slowly move towards her. She invites your hug. Then shows opens up her left hand to show you two golden rings, one on top of another. She clenches her fist, throws the rings on the opposite wall and tames you on the floor.

The night seems to last forever.

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June 11, 2007, 8:06 pm
Filed under: rants

Another one of life’s curveballs. Thirty years ago, two lovebirds with nothing and no one in their path. Thirty years later, two strangers with very few things in common to sustain their up until now lasting relationship. Yet, as in so many cases, it just wasn’t meant to be.

Through thick and thin they held together a bond that seemed unlikely to be broken. Life’s many challenges were met head on, with no fear or even a slight hint of trepidation. Their feet held strong, fighting the many incomming turmoils with strength in their hearts and fire in their eyes. What seemed unfathomable became a reality. Little by little, the unfaltering connection now lays forever broken.

I can’t seem to find words to make things get better. I can see the reasons. I can see the unsurmountable obstacles that now are set before them. I can’t help but know this is for real.

We move on, as one does, with enough knowledge in the fact that there are always things to be learned. Things to be said and done. Things to be taught and things to be turned. There comes a time when things must move on.

And they do.



June 4, 2007, 7:44 am
Filed under: chronicles

I laid my eyes on you the very first minute I walked in. There was no way to divert my gaze, so drawn were my eyes to yours. Nothing was expected of me, which felt good, and there I stood, looking you in the eye, hoping for a glimpse of light shining back at me from yours.

You seemed pleasently surprised at me. Calm and gentle, your body language suggested an uneasy empathy. I took that as a compliment and kept staring in my most subtle way. The world seemed quite small then. None could have made me look astray.

‘Hey,’ said I.

‘Hi,’ she quickly replied. One could sense the tension in the air. It was almost palpable.

‘I don’t know what I want,’ I mustered, ‘yet standing here makes me want to ask for something.’

‘Most feel that way. It is inevitable. Most don’t know what they want, and few get what they asked.’

‘But I feel a sudden urge to take my chances.’ Nothing seemed to be completely safe at that moment. Anything could have happened. I wasn’t sure I was ready for the unknown.

‘You must make your stand,’ she said politely and calmly. It made me feel even more nervous. My hands felt gelid, yet I saw them give away sweat. ‘I cannot allow you to stand idle for much longer.’

‘I’m sorry,’ I appologized, ‘never have I felt such a distinct feeling of numbness. My knees seem to be giving in, my hands are cold yet sweat. Try as I must, there doesn’t seem to be an answer awaiting me that seems right and rings true in my heart!’

‘I will help you.’ She said these words with a joyous contempt that instead of making me feel awkward, my hopes were replentished. ‘Time is of the essence, and I urge you to consider my innermost thoughts and heartfelt desire to make your day. I am impelled to fulfill every need you could possiby have, and in my mind this is will serve as a path towards an inevitable feeling of joy beyond your wildest dreams.’

I froze. Thoughts travelled back and forth in my mind, as those amazing kind brown eyes looked on at me. The words she spoke were the most vivid and enticing words ever spoken. I felt reborn, replentished in the notion that I was about to get exaclty everything I could have possibly wanted then. The world felt right possibly for the first time in my entire life. I didn’t want the feeling to end. It seemed too good to be true.

‘You will be most happy with our new veggie burger. It’s delicious.’ She had already set up the tray, beautifully, with the fries perfectly placed beside the coca-cola cup. It seemed almost poetic. An artwork of sorts.

‘What the hell, I’ll have a double cheeseburger as well!’

She smiled.

It was the happiest day of my life.