Eternal mind of the spotless sunshine

May 25, 2007, 1:11 am
Filed under: chronicles

I don’t know what to do without you. As much as I try, I cannot shake away these intruding thoughts, dwelling in the insipid and bleak world that is this feeble and weak mind of mine. I crave too much, withdrawing bottled emotions and setting them up to face a struggle I cannot see myself coming out victorious. Yet it is enough this decision to portray my deepest desires.

As I lie awake, every single night, I fight to gain control of this restless psyche that prevents me from resting. These have been days of frightfulness and utmost joy. No longer do I find myself capable of withholding these words, once dormant, which have now mustered power enough to escape from the shallow graves inside the rifts of my cortex and see themselves ready to be spoken.

The unrest I sense leaves me no choice but to surrender completely to these feelings. I cannot remain in this anhedonic pose, feeling bewildered and afraid. I must speak out for the prospect of not proffering these words haunt me more than the knowledge that I might fail in whatever it is I plan to accomplish with what I am about to say.

I need to know every pore of you. I need to feel every shiver from your body as it craves, ever so strongly, for some heat from mine. Always yearning for more and more, I want to be completely dependent of you. I need to want you even more.

Let me relish the joy of hearing you sleep. I want to lay in awe beside you, watching the sun graze your flawless skin as it sets your fiery hair alight. I want to see every single curve of you caressed by Helios as he pays homage to the perfection that is you.

From the tip of your toes to the last strand of hair I will kiss you. I will touch you in unfathomable ways. You will never know this much pleasure.

My words need be the last you hear before bed – and the first as you awake. I want to have you wish for me. I want to have you call out my name. To have you pierce my defenses with the kindest of eyes.

Your smell inebriates me. I sense you everywhere I look and everywhere I go. You follow me through crowded streets, through markets and park benches. Though I twist and turn, you come back to me in torrents that shake the core of me. I find myself lying on grassy knolls, daydreaming of your appearance on the horizon, adorning angelical wings you so richly deserve.

Oh these trembling hands! A heart that at the sight of you skips a beat.  No longer can this façade of a strong man remain unbroken. I have laid my heart out. There is nothing left.

Hear my plight for thee. To you I am defenseless, a meager soul in search of true meaning. Try as I might all that is left of me is the desire to feel you, hear you, touch you and know you. Love me as unconditionally as I do.

I am forever yours.


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